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Tactic #48 - Massaging a Big Ego
Summary: Appealing to a counterpart's sense
of power to get him to make a decision.
Asking a
question like “Do you have the power to make this deal happen?” can be
an effective tactic. Some people feel compelled to say “yes” for the
sole reason that it strokes their ego. People with big egos believe they
are always right, and like to feel in charge.
Example
A man goes out to buy a car for his family. He is a bottom-line,
results-oriented type of guy who is good at negotiating a great deal.
Once he makes the decision to buy a car, he wants to do the research,
take a test drive, negotiate a deal, and purchase the car all in one
afternoon. The salesperson, sensing the buyer’s need for power, asks,
“Do you have the power to make this type of decision without your wife?”
The husband replies, “I am the sole decision maker when it comes to
purchasing the family car.”
Counter
Obviously, the tactic of Higher Authority would work best
here—and it is probably in this man’s best interest to employ it. He
could say, “Although my wife and I usually agree on this type of
purchase, I will have to review the purchase agreement with her to gain
her approval.”
It is usually wise to get
someone else to review any deal you are structuring. Asking someone
else to review your proposed outcome is not a sign of weakness, but
a sign of strength.
This tactic is one of 101 strategies and tactics
featured in The Only Negotiating Guide You'll Ever Need, by
Peter Stark and Jane Flaherty.
Ask the Negotiator
Dear Peter and Jane,
I am very happily married to a wonderful man
and father, but just one issue keeps rising whenever the checkbook
gets balanced....where has all the money gone?
Being the breadwinner of the family, I periodically become resentful
that although I make a decent wage, I rarely find myself at any
shopping malls or spas (unless I really get lucky!). I work 40+
hours a week, spend evenings playing with my two wonderful children
and fill weekends with more playing, house chores, massive loads of
laundry and usually some kind of entertaining, which is fine most of
the time. When I do get that 'urge' to do a little shopping, I get
the 'canned' answer, "What do you need? Because we don't have any
money!"
"Ugh!" So I go out anyway and dip into the credit line. Is that what
they're really there for?
My husband isn't a slug and I'm the one who has encouraged him to
try different careers and business ventures. I admire the fact that
he's very content, wherever he's at in life. He has never made or
had the need to make much money. The business he opened just two
years ago is doing well and we're hopeful that it will continue to
grow. It's a seasonal job and although he does pick up work through
the winter months, the ability to have the 'extra fun' or to go on
vacation is pretty slim.
My dream is to work part time some day to spend more time with my
kids or be home when they get home from school. So my challenge is
two fold: 1. How do I negotiate with my husband to spark his
interest to push a little harder? And 2. How do I convince myself
that working part-time and changing our lifestyle even more would be
rewarding, without becoming even more resentful?
Sincerely,
Resentful Breadwinner
Dear Resentful Breadwinner,
Wow! We agreed that this challenge is not only a sensitive one, but
one that hits close to home for both of us!
From our perspective, it sounds like you’ve got two negotiations
going on – one with your husband, whom you’d like to see “push a
little harder,” and one with yourself regarding the rightness of
your dream to work part time and have more time with your children.
And, while this wouldn’t be viewed as a traditional “negotiation”,
it’s a day-to-day example of how you can influence others with your
persuasion skills that are used in each and every negotiation.
Money and marriage, we could write volumes on the topic. To be
succinct, though, it sounds like you and your husband have different
goals regarding how money is spent. Your husband is content with the
here and now, but you envision more, which has caused some stress in
the relationship.
Setting and following a family budget is not fun, but we don’t know
of a better way to address the issues you shared. The idea is to
plan backwards. Identify ideally where you and your family would
like to be financially by retirement, ten years out, three years out
and by the end of 2005. Start with your vision of financial success
in mind, and then begin to plan backwards, creating action steps
that will help you achieve your goals. Currently, you and your
husband are challenged by a lack of goal alignment regarding your
financial priorities. It will be important to come to agreement so
that you can both feel good about where the money is being spent
today, your future financial plans, and your dream to work
part-time.
As for your question regarding dipping into the line of credit . . .
if what you’re spending adds value to your home, then there could be
arguments for the investment. However, if you’re using the credit
line for entertainment, trips to the spa or other non-essentials, we
strongly advise you resist the urge to write the check. Keep in
mind, what you tack on to your line of credit today is debt that you
will eventually have to reconcile.
Finally, in response to your toughest challenge, the negotiation
with yourself, we share the same advice, plan backwards, starting
with your vision of spending more time with your children. Given
your current financial reality, it doesn’t seem realistic that you
can achieve your dream of working part-time immediately. Don’t give
up on your dream, though, change your current reality. In
partnership with your husband, set a goal for when you can work less
than a 40 hour week and develop an action plan that will help you
get closer to your goal. Begin to explore alternative work
schedules, telecommuting and perhaps companies in your area who are
family friendly and open to a contemporary work arrangement. Share
your dream with your husband and ask for his support in helping you
achieve your goal. The more you work on exploring your options, the
more motivated you will be to set and achieve your goals.
While a tough challenge, we’re optimistic that you’ll use your
negotiation skills, both with your husband and yourself to achieve
your dreams. We’re cheering for you!
Peter and Jane
Ask the
Negotiator - Are you involved in a
negotiation and not sure what strategies or tactics to use?
Send in your toughest negotiation
challenge and our team of expert negotiators will outline a specific
plan to ensure your success. Please send your negotiation
challenge to patti@pbsconsulting.com.
If your challenge gets published, we'll send you an autographed copy
of The Only Negotiating Guide You'll Ever Need, by Peter
Stark and Jane Flaherty ($14.95 retail)
WOW!!
To view this month's issue of The Master
Negotiator, the premiere on-line newsletter for negotiators,
follow this link:
The Master Negotiator, Volume 2, Number
11 The Fifteen Rules Every Negotiator Must Know
To view previous Negotiating Tactics of the Week,
follow this link:
Negotiating Tactics of the Week
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